This is the time of year when everyone asks if you have any New Year’s Resolutions. Typically I have a few general ones, like losing weight, reading more, writing more. But this year, I’m going to set substantive goals for every area of my life. I’m going to walk boldly in the direction of my dreams by becoming a woman of intention.
This has been one of those buzz words the past few years: Intention. What does that mean?
It means a thing that is intended or planned. It means that you know where you want to go, and you walk in that direction with the intention of reaching a destination.
There’s this balance that has to happen, however. You see, I used to be a woman of intention. But I was walking toward my plans, toward my goals, with little input from anyone else. Then I married a controlling and manipulative person who refused to let me think for myself, let alone permit me pursue my dreams. Once free from that, I started darting about like an uncaged bird, trying to figure out where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do, now that I was finally free to fly.
I created this long list of things that I had wanted to do during my 15 years of captivity, and planned to do them all. Which is impossible– especially as a single mom with limited resources of time and money. So I settled down, and I waited. It’s was counter to my nature of seeing something I wanted and pursuing it until I got it. It was counter to that forced lifestyle of learning to squelch my own dreams and goals knowing they would be immediately squashed if I ever dared to verbalize them.
So many of the troubles in my life were the result of me trying to do things– good things, noble things– my way, instead of letting go of the reigns and allowing God to steer the ship. Over the course of the past four years, I have learned, somehow, to put into practice that old adage: Let Go, and Let God.
As I look back on the past four years, I can see so blatantly the hand of God moving in my and my children’s lives as I sit and wait patiently for him to move through His perfect plan, fulfilling so many of my desires and dreams in ways I could never have imagined. Sometimes even bizarre ways that still befuddle and amaze me, but were clearly the hand of God protecting and teaching me.
This new year begins the fifth year that I’ve been on my own. And while those first few months had me darting about anxiously looking for a direction in which to fly, I’m finally at a place where I am whole, healthy, and at peace. I’m content that I’m where I’m supposed to be, but not content to just sit here without growing.
The new year will be the beginning of new intentions, of growing spiritually, of enriching personal relationships, of capitalizing on professional opportunities, and setting and achieving goals for my and my children’s physical fitness.
What word are you using to guide you in 2015?